everyone hates numbered lists of pithy aphorisms.
and yet, I am addicted to them (ie advice that worked for me from Nabeel, 21 observations from people watching by Shani, my own 7 lessons across 7 weeks in psychiatry). I find it oddly satisfying reading lists of ideas; it feels like a well-organised buffet, where you can quickly skim past thoughts that you’ve already internalised, revisit ones you’ve forgotten, and be exposed to new ways of viewing the world.
there’s beauty in brevity. whenever I call my parents, particularly my dad, he always slips in a chinese proverb, saying, idiom. many of these phrases have generational wisdom of the human condition, to have survived the brutal conditions of verbal natural selection.
there’s also utility in recency. although my dad’s idioms are timeless, the specific, tangible suggestions for what to do now, this year, or the next 5 years is much harder to find. the world has changed so much since he was a university student. heck, even advice i’ve gotten from those 5 years ahead feels outdated at times.
and so, in an attempt to house some new, brief advice for university students and things i’ve repeated to people, here’s my list - with anecdotes particularly relevant for those connected to startups, the internet, and medicine/psychiatry.
(since there are no new ideas under the sun, see the brackets for my best attempt to track where I was inspired from)
(also, remember that sometimes you need to actually follow the opposite of someone’s advice)
On people
there is nothing more to life other than the people you love (medicine/psychiatry). I feel this most when seeing people at the end of their lives. some of the saddest stories are from those in the psych ward, driven to isolation from their conditions. some of the happiest are the 100-year olds that live in a house with four generations alongside them. ask anyone in the twilight years; one never regrets putting people as their highest priority.
make friends, not networks (friendly ambitious nerd). there is a temptation when you are young and ambitious to desire connections to power, to wealth, or to ‘impressive’ people. this, is where the dreaded term of ‘networking’ comes to play. i’ve found that you are more enriched both in your personal and professional life when you make genuine friends. deep, meaningful, genuine connections trump superficial ones every single time.
you will spend exponentially less time with family as you grow older (this graph). you’ve already spent the most time you ever will have with your parents; your relationship with them can change dramatically when you live away from them. often, i find, for the better.
the only opinions that truly matter are from the people you care about. ignore the hivemind of the internet, the peer pressure of unsavoury peers, and all of the noise and narrative that tries to sell you things and make you feel a certain way. they do not act in your benefit; only you and the people who love you do.
On university and doing things
the biggest value of university is meeting people who change your horizons (nfx). when you see your silly friends follow their passions and reach for the stars, you can’t help but feel like you can too. network effects - how the people around you have incredible ripple effects on your life - are everywhere, when you start to notice them. sometimes, it truly just takes one loose late night conversation at a pub to completely change your life trajectory.
being a ‘student’ grants you the ultimate email pass (an old uni blog). you can email anyone. befriend a professor, say hello to alumni, people will surprise you with how willing they are to help the next generation. after all, someone helped them too. (if you have any inclination towards research and the edge of human knowledge, please start now - it is a unique time to explore this itch)
make things with friends, publish them online, repeat (karlsson). some of the best connections i’ve made, my recent jobs, were because of random things I put on the internet. creating a portfolio of work is one of the best ways to show the world what you can do, far more than any CV.
there are no adults in the room (tech). it is comforting to know that everything in this world has been created by another human, just like you. the more you actively seek to do things, the more you notice that the world is full of flaws. it’s disappointing, but liberating - you can be the adult.
prestige blinds you to yourself (graham). it is very, very easy to do things that society, your parents, your peers tell you to do - this is how prestige incepts what you truly want. prestige is certainly helpful in many ways, but don’t mistake it for your own voice - this is a recipe for future regrets.
be stupid now. there is no other time to say “i don’t know” than now. of course, in healthy environments you should always be able to - but the worse case is if you find yourself saying this 10 years down the line, when the world has much higher expectations.
On careers
jobs are just a bundle of tasks; it is only through unfolding them that you figure out what you actually desire (karlsson). saying ‘I want to be a doctor’ doesn’t make much sense. do you like looking at images like a radiologist? do you like talking to people like a psychiatrist? and all the other, less glamorous tasks that come with this? (paperwork, handling aggression, dealing with public bureaucracy, etc…)
careers are controlled by the market, not narrative (medicine). the narrative of being a doctor, musician, founder, <insert X job> is instilled in you from culture, from societal prestige, from art. how you get paid is determined by the market.
show me the incentive, and i’ll show you the outcome (munger). you learn this lesson when you’re trying to make a company. people do things when they are incentivised to, and, turns out, this is often due to money.
in every job, you are either making things or selling things that people want (naval). this is how markets work, of course. so figuring out how to shape your skills to fit one of these two things is a good direction if you want to make money.
the further up you go, the harder it is to draw a line between what you do and how it helps someone (petre). inevitably, if you are in a higher up position you are further abstracted away from the day-to-day of the problem, and instead you use numbers and KPIs as your truth - it is incredibly easy to Goodhart yourself. this is why I think my ideal career lends one foot in the abstract, and one foot in the tangible - to ground idealism in pragmatism.
if you want an unusual life, you need to do unusual things (maja). if you follow what most people do, you will end up with a life like most other people. this is not a judgement on which life is better - it depends on what you value - but there are many more doctors than there are professional writers.
On psychology
all you need is adaptability. the one constant is change. we are living in unprecedented times, which is what they said when the internet came, and what they said when nuclear bombs were invented, and what they said (probably) when they created fire. there is no way to predict the future, and all you can rely on is learning the meta-skills which help you survive anywhere.
life comes in seasons (die with zero). there are unique things that can be done in each life stage, and so we should actively seek to do these things; insofar we don’t regret it when the stage has passed.
avoidance, fear and copes are the mind killer (dune). the most regret I notice in people comes from moments where they’re too afraid to take the plunge. when faced with a decision that takes courage, our minds can come up with recursive ruminations and mental mazes, all in the name of fear. courage is a muscle; it can be trained.
you need breaks. as a incessant type A, i’ve always thought that my energy was infinitely expansive, and I could do everything that I could fit into my calendar. but time is different from willpower, and despite every optimisation I could fit, willpower requires rest. don’t be stupid and constantly burnout. run a marathon, not a sprint.
motivation is relational. i’ve always viewed myself as relatively independent, but i cannot stress how much of a force multiplier finding others who share the same passions are. alone, you feel like you are against the world. with a partner in crime, or two, you create a scene, and you feel like you can take on the world.
On productivity (an amalgamation of things have led to these takes)
after a certain point, optimising learning has diminishing returns. having gone down the productivity rabbit hole and back, my conclusion is that other than fundamentals like spaced repetition, you just need one system that works consistently, followed by motivation and reps. time and interest beats out any productivity hack.
manifesting works. i’ve found that everyone around me has dreams - whether it is going overseas, pivoting career, or changing something about the world. these are precious ideas, it is what create momentum and gives life direction, texture. Choosing to speak them into the world, and not bury them deep, will surprise you.
inspiration is fleeting; act on it immediately. I could only start writing this essay because I had a burst of motivation. I could only finish this essay because things around me kept giving me more ideas. I could only finish and publish this essay because…
finish things you start. I like finishing things. it’s really satisfying, and it’s the kind of habit that helps you build confidence in yourself. (that being said, some projects are doomed or default dead - but recognising that is a finish in itself)
Thanks to Alice Park and Guillaume Troadec for reading drafts.
Hope to be there at every milestone. Welcome to 25
Happy quarter century my friend, here’s to 3 more. Lovely piece, on no.8 perhaps you’ve alarmingly become the adult in the room..